What a Time to be Alive
by hapeeness
Summary: No matter how he tried, Kyle couldn't bring himself to sleep. He then decided to just distract himself with his phone. Luckily, a certain someone was online and Kyle figured, why not a little chitchat? [Kyman/Cartyle] [Oneshot] [Artwork used as cover image was made by korokoro3405]


Kyle squinted as the light from his iPhone flashed in his eyes. He looked at the time. 4:32 am. _**Oh great.**_ Drinking coffee just before going to bed was a bad idea. He questioned himself why he did so in the first place even if there wasn't anything staying-up-late for. Maybe he missed the calming aroma and taste or he just really felt like it. Well, for whatever reason it was, there was no turning back now.

He's been tossing and turning for hours, trying to figure out which sleeping position suits him best. He even tried counting sheep in his mind but nothing changed. His body wanted to rest, but his brain says no. Luckily, it was Saturday by now so he didn't have to worry about waking up late and getting a scolding from his mom.

And so, now that there's nothing he could come up, he just decided to distract himself with his phone, hoping that it would help. He started by playing Plants vs. Zombies. He liked the first one better because it gives him a nostalgic feel, remembering the times it first came out and became a huge hit. Afterwards, he played other games which occupied him for a while before moving on to Facebook. As expected, there were no new posts from his friends, only the same ones that he saw hours ago. He went to different parts of Facebook, from random pages to profiles of people he didn't know. Curious to see who else was online at this hour, Kyle decided to check his friends list. There were only a few and can be counted by hand.

Online (6)

 **Tweek Tweak**

"Not surprised."

 **Craig Tucker**

"Ah..Giving his boyfriend some company, I see.."

 **Bebe Stevens**

"Probably up all night binge-watching some TV show.."

 **Henrietta Biggle**

"Not surprised either.."

 **Leopold Butters Stotch**

"Hmh..He probably fell asleep and forgot to turn off his phone."

"And finally.." Kyle looked to see who the last one was and it turned out to be the one and only **Eric Theodore Cartman**.

 _What could he possibly be doing? Plotting some evil plan? ...Maybe._ "One small chat wouldn't hurt." Kyle said as he began to type a message to his rival.

 _ **Kyle:** Hey._

His message was seen but he received no reply. He typed again.

 _ **Kyle:** Hey._

 _ **Kyle:** Hey._

 _ **Kyle:** Hey._

 _ **Kyle:** Hey, fatass._

 _ **Kyle:** I know you can see my messages, stop ignoring me._

 _ **Kyle:** Cccaartmanzshzhhhhhshhk_

Kyle was somewhat acting like Cartman, blame it on the coffee or whatever but he found it funny. After a spam of messages, he got his awaited message.

 _ **Eric:** the fuck jew_

 _ **Kyle:** What are you doing?_

 _ **Eric:** y do u want to know?_

 _ **Kyle:** Because I want to?_

 _ **Eric:** that's stupid._

 _ **Kyle:** Just answer the question, asshole._

 _ **Eric:** i'm playing warcraft. thanks to ur ginger ass spamming me with messages, i messed up my game._

Kyle laughed.

 _ **Kyle:** I'm glad I could be of service._

 _ **Eric:** y r u online anyway, watching porn or some shit?_

 _ **Kyle** : Haha, very funny. I can't sleep. I drank coffee hours ago before going to bed._

 _ **Eric:** wow what a fucking idiot_

 _ **Kyle:** Shut up. I'll just wait for the sun to rise. 'Till then, entertain me. I'm bored._

 _ **Eric:** that sounds gay_

The Jew rolled his eyes and continued.

 _ **Kyle:** I'm surprised that you're playing Warcraft again. You said that you got sick of it._

 _ **Eric:** well i got hooked up again. maybe ur just jealous bc i'm better than u now_

 _ **Kyle:** Oh really? If that's so then do you want to play next Saturday?_

 _ **Eric:** ur bitch mom might get mad tho if she sees her bubbulah distracted from studying lol_

 _ **Kyle:** Don't call my mom a bitch, and why do you care? Mom's not that strict you know. Plus, they'll be away for the weekends, going to a relative's house or something._

 _ **Eric:** k then, be prepared to get rekt, gunna show u my mad skillz_

Kyle didn't reply and decided to search through the App Store for new games and apps to download. As he was browsing, he received a message from Cartman. It turned out to be a link to a Youtube video. Kyle tapped the link and was forwarded to the app, revealing a compilation of dank memes. He watched and laughed throughout the whole video. What he loved the most were the Shooting Stars memes.

It gets him everytime.

 _ **Kyle:** God, Cartman, it's 4 in the morning and you're sending me memes._

 _ **Eric:** y not? i love memes. everyone does, so do you. don't deny it_

 _ **Kyle:** I'm not, hahaha._

 _ **Eric:** u know what would be cool? if they made a video game about memes. i'd call it DANK-y Kong._

"Hahaha! Is he serious? God, Cartman, why?" Kyle typed as he let out a few laughs.

 _ **Kyle:** That's really corny._

 _ **Kyle:** I always ask myself why I agreed to date a meme-loving fuck like you. Even Stan thinks I'm not in the right mind._

 _ **Eric:** ur saying that right now but i know u like it_

With this, Kyle tapped SEND with a smile.

 _ **Kyle:**_ Hmm..I guess you're right.

Kyle paused for a minute before typing again.

 _ **Kyle:** I want to see you._

 _ **Eric:** go to my profile  & look at my pics, easy._

 _ **Kyle:** Not that, you asshole. Stop being a dick._

 _ **Eric:** well it's not my fault that ur in san francisco for ur faggy private college_

 _ **Kyle:** Hey, don't blame this on me! I had no choice, okay? My parents had finished my enrollment before I even knew- ugh, Cartman, I explained this to you already, why am I repeating this?_

No reply.

 _ **Kyle:** I..I just miss you a lot, okay? Not only you, but Stan and Kenny also. I miss South Park. Long distance is so frustrating. Do you even understand what I'm feeling right now?_

 _ **Eric:** jeez, kyle, stop being such a drama queen._

 _ **Eric:** fuck, i miss u too, okay? i miss our dates, being able to see each other, seeing ur ass up close, all that faggy stuff, y'know?_

 _ **Kyle:** I..uh..thanks.._

Kyle didn't know what to say, but as he read what his lover had typed, he knew that Cartman's words were true and for that, his heart felt warm.

 _ **Eric:** r u crying? don't cry, kaaaaaahl_

 _ **Kyle:** Shut up. You're probably the one who's crying over there._

The redhead chuckled and later on he felt himself drift to sleep just as the sun came to a rise.

On the Saturday afternoon that Kyle and Cartman were supposed to play together, Cartman didn't go online whatsoever. Kyle once again, spammed the other with messages.

 _ **Kyle:** Are you running away? Pussy._

 _ **Kyle:** Get rekt my ass_

 _ **Kyle:** Where are you even?_

 _ **Kyle:** I'm already logged in are we gonna play or what_

 _ **Kyle:** Did your PC crash or something?_

As Kyle was about to send another message _,_ he was alerted by the sound of the doorbell. "Wait a second!" He put down his phone and walked over to his door. He opened it to reveal Eric Cartman himself with his laptop bag hanging on his shoulder and another bag in his hands.

"Was I too late?" Cartman asked as a series of light pants escaped his mouth but in the end, was replaced with a proud smile.

"No." Kyle smiled back, "Not at all."

* * *

Just like Kyle in the story, I wasn't able to get any sleep last night and was up until today- and during those hours, I spent my time writing this fic, just for fun hehe and also because I love this ship so much aahsjdksjslk- I really enjoyed reading "South Park on Facebook" by TimelessMystery and was inspired to write something chatroom-like (if that's what you'd call it) as well xD I'm not a writing pro though so I'm sorry if you find any grammar errors ; v ;

Thank you very much for reading! Reviews are appreciated u v u, have a nice day! Now, it's time for me to go to sleep xD


End file.
